But this year, I'm taking a page from modern television and letting America decide! (Fox, feel free to contact me into regards to my new show pitch, So You Think You Can Grow Facial Hair)
Now, before I reveal the three choices America will have (and please note, by "America" I mean "the 12 people that read this blog"), I came across a rather interesting chart that not only reviews a variety of styles, but charts them according to trustworthiness:
 |
| click to enlarge |
Now, I'll be the first to admit that this chart has flaws. I hardly think Burt Reynolds is more trustworthy than Honest Abe. And ever since his turn to the dark side as Hollywood Hogan (not to mention his suspect behavior on Hogan Knows Best (more like Hogan Knows WORST!!!! Am I right?!?!)), I refuse to believe that Hulk Hogan can be trusted more than a homeless man...or a werewolf.
But, the chart did help me settle on three styles that I'll ask you all to vote on. Each style will come with a celebrity endorser, as well as a picture of myself sporting the look, so you can have an accurate idea of what the world will be looking at for the next week:
Option #1 - The Friendly Mutton Chops
Recently worn by Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, this style seems to focus the eye on the beauty of the chin (one of my face's strengths if I say so myself)
Option #2 - The Horseshoe
Alright. I know I just bashed Hulk Hogan, who is the icon of this style. But he redeemed himself during his brief, yet humbling appearances on Brooke Knows Best.
Option #3 - The Push Broom
As the sherpa of this trip, I will often find myself bartering with and smooth-talking motel clerks in the hopes of getting a lower rate. There's nothing friendlier than the Flanders!
And so, at the top right of this blog, you'll see a poll, allowing you to vote for one of these three choices.
Choose wisely. My upper lip depends on it!
My vote is for the flanders and yes if you head down this path you need to wear a green sweater and slacks regardless of what the temp is.
ReplyDeleteI also think the Flanders makes you look like a pale Irish porn star circa 1973, this also factored into my decision
No one can dispute your reasoning, EP!
ReplyDeleteI only wish there was a 4th option, the Brandon Flowers (Killers singer)stache. Its similar to a Flanders but thinner and includes a soul patch. However you need to go with the Hogan. Pay your respect to a legend.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that thin is an option. When it comes to red facial hair, thin = nonexistent. Plus, I can't decide whether we're human or we're dancer.
ReplyDeleteI voted for The Friendly Mutton Chops, because it makes me giggle to see you trying to look like a bad ass.
ReplyDeleteI've had Pastamania all week. I say go with the the Hulkster handlebar because people won't think it's weird when you suddendly rip your bright yellow biking shirt in half. You are a real American, bike for the right of every man.
ReplyDelete